What is Self-Control?
There is perhaps no greater issue in life than how we can change our bad habits into good ones. If you are struggling with an 
addiction, how can you break free from it? If I am struggling with anger, what role do I play in overcoming this response? Many, if not most, people try to change their bad habits through willpower alone. And yet we have all kinds of evidence that willpower alone works for very few people.
Several years ago I was the medical director for a local “Breathe Free” program we offered in the community. This was a smoking cessation plan that helped people kick the tobacco habit. The program has been around since 1959 & has as much as an 80% success rate. Our program had that same success rate at 3 months. The question I didn’t know was how effective our program was after 3 years! We lost track of the vast majority of people when the program was completed. There was one man, however, with whom I remained in contact for years. He & I worked in the same office building so I would see him frequently each week. Brian (not his real name) came to the program because he had asked his daughter what she wanted for her 5th birthday. She had responded that she wanted him to quit smoking. So there he was, sitting in our program, desperately wanting to change as a gift for his daughter.
Brian was successful! We had a celebration party at the end of the program & his daughter was beaming! She sat on her dad’s lap that evening with a twinkle in her eye. She was proud of her day because he was victorious! Brian had given his daughter & himself the best gift possible – health. It was great to see Brian’s countenance change over the months as he remained victorious. And then one day our eyes locked onto each other as he was in the parking lot smoking a cigarette. This was more than a year later. Addictions are hard to change. They are devastating.
In my experience, it’s not enough for me to say that I will change. I might have the greatest personal motivation to change as did Brian. But I need more than my own willpower. I need more than self-control. So here’s my questions: What role does God play in your change? What is the self-control that Paul talks about in Galatians 5:23?
Perhaps the key is not in saying “No” to bad habits, but rather in saying “Yes” to God’s Spirit. What do you think? What is your experience with change?
Are You Ready to Connect?… Get Fruit!
A few weeks ago I blogged about my experience in San Antonio, Texas taking “C-4″ training (combat casualty care course) with the Marines. This was a mandatory training course every US Navy physician was required to take. One of my keenest memories of the week with the Marines is a discussion I had with two of them late one night. The tents slept 20 men & had a stove in the center. We had 2 Marines assigned to each tent, which gave me an opportunity to get to know these 18 year-old soldiers. There was only one reason I was in the Navy – the Navy paid my medical school tuition. I sat in the tent that night at the age of 27 looking forward to finishing my OBGYN residency at Bethesda Naval Hospital, serving my time after residency, & then pursuing a lucrative private practice. As I talked with these 2 Marines, I realized they had signed up to defend my freedom. They openly talked about their love of this country & their desire to defend our freedom. These young men were willing to lay down their lives so that I could pursue my own self-centered dreams.
This was a humbling experience. That night I realized for the first time in my life the primary importance of freedom. And I wondered if I were truly free. In many ways, I felt as though I was in bondage to my own selfish desires. Would I want someone else to lose their life so I could stay in bondage to what Paul calls “the flesh?” Is that the type of “freedom” I would settle for?
Everyone wants to be free. The issue is what kind of freedom you will settle for in your life. In Galatians 5 Paul talks about freedom. Paul makes a convincing case that true freedom can only be experienced, lived, as we walk by the Spirit. When I walk with the Spirit, Paul tells me that the Spirit then gives me fruit. And a life bearing the fruit of the Spirit is a life of freedom. I have discovered this freedom is the only freedom worth dying for. What do you think?
Are You Ready to Connect?… Get the Spirit!
Pam & I had decided to sell our BMW-Z3 in favor a a more practical car. This was a very logical decision. We really didn’t need a little convertible sports car. But once it was gone, we realized how much we missed driving on the backroads through Illinois & Wisconsin on our little 2 day getaways in that little car.
We had been without the Z3 for about a year when Pam went on a 2-week trip with our son & his boys’ choir. About a week into her trip I had an appointment in Chicago near a BMW dealership. I went to just browse – honest! And wouldn’t you know they had a new Z-4 with the perfect color combination of a steel blue exterior, a gray convertible top, & an off-white interior. I knew Pam would love the car. I could imagine the excitement on her face if I bought if for her. And so I inquired as the price of the car since I had a certain price point I would not exceed. I couldn’t believe the asking price was well below our price point. I couldn’t resist. I bought the car, drove it home, & tucked it away in the garage for Pam to discover when she arrived home from her trip in another week.
That was one of the longest weeks of my life. I couldn’t wait for Pam to come home to receive her gift. I counted down the days & the hours until she arrived. I picked her up from the airport & took her home, the whole time anticipating the moment she would receive the car. We arrived home safely, went into the front door & got settled into the house. She & Eric Jr had tons of stories to tell about their trip. Finally, when the time was just right, I took her down to the garage. There it was! Her eyes widened until they were about to pop. her hands began shaking, she screeched one of her signature “ooooh’s” & then asked, “Is it really for me?” She was ecstatic. That is a moment I will never forget!
God has given us a wonderful, marvelous, priceless gift. He has given us the Holy Spirit. In Luke 11:13 Jesus said, “If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” This is an eternal, ever-present, power-giving, life-renewing gift from God. The Holy Spirit IS God. And He is given to US! Are you ready to connect with God? What is your response to His Gift?
Spiritual Eyesight
Here are 4 excerpts from the Gospel of Mark of people interacting with Jesus. How do you see each one of these people? I have found my answers to this question revealing as to how I see the people in my life…
- Passing alongside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon & Andrew, the brother of Simon casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. (Mk 1:16)
- And a leper came to him, imploring him, and kneeling said to him, “If you will, you can make me clean.” (Mk 1:40)
- And they came bringing to him (Jesus) a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. (Mk 2:3-4)
- And as he (Jesus) passed by, he saw Levi the son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax booth. (Mk 2:14)
Four brief encounters, four descriptions of people Jesus met in a typical day in His ministry. When I am completely honest with myself, here is what I would see if I had been with Jesus:
- Working class men doing a smelly, dirty job. In a single word, I would have seen fishermen.
- A man with an incurable & communicable disease. I would be worried about contracting the disease. In a single word, I would have seen a leper.
- A poor helpless man who had 4 friends. In a single word, I would have seen a paralytic.
- A collaborator with the Roman government to cheat me out of my hard-earned money. This guy is a traitor! In a single word, I would have seen a thief.
But what did Jesus see with spiritual eyesight? Jesus saw disciples rather than fishermen, a man rather than a leper, a sinner rather than a paralytic, and a treasurer in the church rather than a tax collector for Rome. Read the context of each of the above verses in Mark, and ask yourself how you can have spiritual eyesight this week!
Got Connections?
I was an intern at Bethesda Naval Hospital when I was required to take a Combat Casualty Care 
Course, also called C-4. I traveled to San Antonio, Texas where I spent a week with the Marines in training maneuvers. I then spend 3 days in the Air Force Hospital learning about trauma care. I still remember the day we went with the Marines to “storm the hill.” The enemy was located at the top of a treeless hill. That means we were exposed during the entire assault. I was teamed with another physician. We each had a pack filled with first aid items & an empty litter we carried between us.
It was only a training event, but it was amazingly real. Suddenly we had “injured” Marines all around us! We had to assess whether they needed a simple patch and keep fighting or be placed on the litter and carried off the battlefield. When a Marine needed to be transported to the medical tent located in a safe place, we would take his pack off his back and place it on the litter to be carried to safety with him. We did this more times than I can count. It was a busy day patching Marines up to continue the fight while taking others away from the fight in order to heal.
I find life to be like that. There are times when we are so injured that we need a safe place to heal. I find it amazing that God has always provided for such safe places in a world filled with sin. Israel had “cities of refuge” described in Numbers 35:6. Today,God has given us the Church. In 2012, God has called our church “To Connect” with Him, one person at a time. We are asking ourselves, “Got Connections?” Paul says it like this, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
In many ways, it’s easier to connect with a fallen warrior on the battlefield to take him to safety than it is in everyday life with the people around me. Have you ever wondered why that is? Perhaps it’s because we confuse the burden a person is under with the load that same person must carry for herself. Paul tells us it is our Christian duty to carry the burden of our brother, to take him to safety so that he can carry his own load. The load we each have is our own day pack we must carry. As a physician on the battlefield, I never carried a Marine’s load. We each have a load that no one else can carry. We each have to make decisions for ourselves. We can’t blame anyone else for the decisions we make. But we also have burdens. And on the battlefield of life, we are each responsible to be a safe person of refuge for those with whom we CONNECT. Perhaps connecting with other people is more about my choice to be a safe person than it is about their choices.
Got Connections? The connections we make with others reveals the connection we have with God. It is my prayer that in 2012, you may connect with God, one person at a time – to be a friend, a person of refuge, the one who is willing to carry the burdens of others. May we all have wisdom from God to know the difference between the burdens we carry and the load we bear.
The Season’s Greeting of “Presence”
I met my future wife, Pam, at Andrews University my sophomore year. She was a freshman who caught my eye at the freshman 
orientation, which I helped plan and implement. Two weeks later I actually had the opportunity to meet her in the university cafeteria. We ate together and had a great conversation. From that moment until today, I have wanted to be with her. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one I wanted to marry. So I asked her the big question, and the rest is history! We were married one year after meeting each other. And that was 36 years ago. And even to this day I can remember every occasion we have had to be apart. Fortunately for me, there have not been that many of them.
There were three times we had to be apart for anywhere from 1 week to 2 months the 7 years I was in the US Navy. There were 3 self-imposed ski trips with the guys I took to Colorado while living in Illinois over the course of 16 years. There have been 2 mission trips I have made since being a pastor. And then there was the summer before we were to be married in September 1975 that I worked in Indiana, which was a 3 hour drive to Andrews University (AU) where Pam was working. I would drive to AU, pick her up, and then the two of us would drive to her home in Kenosha, Wisconsin. This would be a total of 12 hours in the car every weekend. The first 3 alone in great anticipation, the next 6 with her in utter bliss, and the last 3 alone again in despair wishing for the day we would never have to be separated.
Pam’s presence has brought joy to me for over 36 years. I am thankful for the day I first saw her. This is a day that changed my world! The Christmas story is like that. Mary was presented with the news that she could have the very presence of God in her! She would be the keeper of God’s presence in her until it was time for Him to be revealed to the rest of the world. And then came the birth of Jesus, the very presence of God made manifest on this earth. That Presence was heralded by angels to anyone interested enough to listen. As it turns out, the only ones watching and listening to God that night, other than Mary, Joseph, and an innkeeper, were some shepherds and their sheep. But God’s Presence broke through the darkness of this world. His Presence was made available to us! To people! To you! To me!
So the question I ask myself is this, Do I want to be in His Presence? I get so caught up with presents at Christmas that I can forget about His Presence. Do I really want His Presence in me today? What will I do with the baby Jesus today? Will I hold Him, care for Him, love Him as if He were MY baby? The reality of Christmas is that He is my baby… If I will say yes like Mary did. What will you say to God about the Presence of Baby Jesus in your life today?
The Season’s Greeting – Assurance
I wasn’t 10 years old when I learned a lesson of assurance and hope. My father had a house painting business in addition to working as a firefighter. I spent many days at the homes my father painted. And because I loved my dad, I wanted to paint houses like he painted. It looked fun and easy. I mean you put the brush into the paint can, get some paint on it, and then apply it to the wall. Nothing to it! Or so I told myself. On this particular day, it was late in the afternoon when my father finally finished painting the living room and kitchen. He decided to start painting a bedroom upstairs, much to my chagrin. It was close enough to quitting time that I HOPED he would decide to call it a day an hour early. But my dad never did that. So there I was in the living room waiting for my dad.
At this point I could have continued to play with the toys I had brought for the day, but then I noticed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. My dad left his paintbrush on the paint can to clean when he was completely done for the day. He was already done in the living room. What harm could come from applying a little more paint? After all, I needed to learn sometime. Besides, I was bored. I was tired of playing with the same toys all day. I had so HOPED to go home early. But now that we would be here a bit longer, I decided to open the paint can, dip the brush into the can & apply some more fresh paint on the walls. The color didn’t seem quite right, but I figured it was because the paint was wet. So I applied more and more until it became painfully obvious that the color was NOT the same! As I put the brush back I noticed there was paint on the floor as well. It was the same color I had just painted on the wall. I was terrified. What would my dad say? What would he think? What about the homeowner? How could he ever fix this mess? Would the homeowner get mad at my father? Now I HOPED my father would not be too angry with me. Now I HOPED he could fix the mess because I didn’t know how.
It was a long 30 minutes as I waited for my dad to come back down to the living room where I was “hiding.” I didn’t say a thing as he looked at the interesting color palette on the wall. Then he noticed the paint on the floor. I was ashamed & afraid. This is when my dad said, “Thanks for helping down here. It looks like we need to clean up so we can get home. Could you go to the car & get some clean rags for me?” I gladly ran to the car, found some clean rags and helped my dad clean up my mess.
I’ll never forget that day. That I learned the connection between ASSURANCE and HOPE. If I didn’t already know how much my dad loved me, I knew that day. I had the ASSURANCE of his steadfast love for me. This ASSURANCE gave me HOPE. Just a few hours earlier, my HOPE was based on what I could and would be doing. But now my HOPE was based on the ASSURANCE of what my dad could and would do for me. One of my favorite greetings from God is the greeting of Assurance that gives me Hope for the future. How has God assured you of His love? How does God give you hope?
The Season’s Greetings – Obedience
Duke was our first big dog. He was a 90# Chocolate Labrador who was full of energy, love, and devotion. At least I think he loved us based upon his tail wagging and random movements from side to side that greeted any family member, or any friend of a family member, or even any enemy of a family member! Yes, Duke was a friendly dog who loved people more than anything. Well, almost anything. If there was a squirrel within smelling distance, Duke might get a little preoccupied and forget about his “family.” This preoccupation seemed to trump any other thought or desire to submit to his family. And then there was leather products. Yes, Duke loved to consume, literally, leather products. We learned the expensive way to never leave a pair of leather shoes unattended with Duke!
Duke never changed throughout his life. We took him to “dog obedience” school. We taught him tricks. We worked with him for hours. But Duke had one major weakness, he loved squirrels. He could sense the presence of a squirrel a mile away (or at least it seemed that way). He would chase a squirrel at any cost. The only exception was when he was on a leash with me. I would keep him on a “short leash” and constantly let him know that I was in control. If one of our children was walking with Duke, even on a leash, he would break free every time a squirrel came within smelling distance. Unfortunately, Duke never overcame this habit. I say unfortunately because Duke was hit by a car as he broke “free” one day to chase his last squirrel.
It was a painful death as he was paralyzed for two weeks before we had to put him down. He couldn’t wag his tail when we came into the room. He couldn’t jump and move from side to side anymore. He even lost his smile that had been a permanent fixture on his face. It was sad, heartbreaking. And all because he could never learn obedience.
We are really no different. We all have squirrels in our lives. We all have things we chase because we think freedom is present there. We don’t want anyone or anything to limit our freedom. Could it be, however, that true freedom is found in obedience? One of the beautiful greetings of the Christmas Season is obedience. Without the obedience of Jesus, there would be no life on this earth. In fact, we are told that Jesus “humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:8) Because of HIS obedience, I can live today. I have found that true freedom comes through obedience. And yet too many days I’m just like Duke. I chase after squirrels! Thank God for the Greeting of Obedience freely given in the life and death of Jesus Christ!
The Season’s Greetings – Healing
I’ll never forget the surgical incision that simply would not heal. I was a junior OB/GYN resident at Bethesda Naval Hospital doing a rotation in gynecologic oncology (cancer of the female organs). I was taking care of a patient I’ll call Karen who had a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) because she had cancer of the uterus. Karen weighed over 400 pounds, and in addition to her cancer, she also suffered from diabetes and high blood pressure. Her surgery went well with every expectation that Karen would be completely cured of her cancer – she would be healed! However, her surgical incision on her abdomen would not heal. The skin edges of the incision were 10 inches apart and the depth of the resulting “wound” was 18 inches deep. The incision was 18 inches long made necessary by her excess weight. My task was to change her bandages and cut away any dead tissue that accumulated. I placed gauze soaked with antibiotics into her wound 3 times a day. I got to know her well as it would take me 45 minutes every time I removed the old gauze and replaced it with new.
I learned that healing is a difficult process. I learned that healing takes time and outside help. I learned that none of us, not even doctors, can heal. We can be healed, but we cannot heal. The study of medicine is really the study of God’s healing processes. As physicians, we study how the body normally works that results in what we call “health.” We then study those things that cause the body to stop working normally that results in what we call “disease.” We then study how to work with the body to help it fight disease. So we give advice on lifestyle choices, or recommend the surgical removal of the diseased tissue, or prescribe medicine to reverse the disease. This may actually include giving a person poison we call “chemotherapy” in order to kill cancer cells. This tells me how crazy and unjust disease can be!
There is perhaps no greater need in our world today than the greeting of healing. None of us escape the need to be healed at some point in some way by some power outside of ourselves. And it’s not just physical healing that we seek. We need healing when our relationships sour, when a loved one dies, when disease racks our body, when our best friend betrays us, when we succumb to temptation one more time even though we promised ourselves we would “never do it again.” Yes, the need for healing is universal!
The Season’s Greetings – Discovery
As a child growing up, my dad always gave me & my sisters the last helpings of dinner. We would be looking at the last bit of mashed potatoes when my dad would say, “Why don’t I dish out these potatoes for you.” And then there was my absolute favorite food in the world, rice pudding. Every time mom made rice pudding, dad made sure I had all I could eat of it, even if he didn’t get any.
I never gave any of this a second thought until I was about 12 or 13. We had already eaten supper & I had received the last of the mashed potatoes & fried chicken as usual from dad. I went to my bedroom to play “electric football” (my absolute favorite game). After witnessing the Green Bay Packers destroy the Dallas Cowboys yet more time on that amazing green vibrating sheet metal called a football field in my bedroom, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. This is when I witnessed my father eating cold cereal. I knew my dad didn’t care much for cold cereal. I also knew we didn’t have any other food readily available in the house. I had eaten the last of the mashed potatoes & fried chicken at his expense. In that moment I realized for the first time that my dad actually needed to eat more than he did so that I could eat more than I needed! Somehow I had never realized there was a cost to my unbridled appetite. That day I discovered how much my dad loved me & cared for me. Up to that point in my life I had taken my dad’s love for granted.
Too often I take Jesus’ love for granted as well. A life-changing greeting from heaven is found in Isaiah 53:3… “But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.” I call this the greeting of DISCOVERY because it’s not something I easily see or even notice. It’s so easy for me to simply see Jesus as a supernatural Being who died on the cross. I have seen the sacrifice of Jesus as something a messiah would do in the same way I saw my own dad giving giving me the remainder of the food.
What a change in my perspective the day I DISCOVERED the “suffering” of Jesus I cause Him. When I realize His love for me resulted in His personal suffering so that I could have peace & healing, I am overwhelmed. And His suffering on my account is not over as I continue to betray His love too many times each day. Every time I consume sin rather than what He has to offer, He suffers anew. And yet He is always there for me, making sure I have everything I need for peace & healing.
I invite you to DISCOVER this amazing greeting with me this holiday season. It’s time we all discovered how our needs are fulfilled at a cost to Jesus. The peace & good cheer we will experience this holiday season are expensive! I thank God for this DISCOVERY. And I pray that the suffering of Jesus may soon end.
